If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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