when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
