I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
