everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize