I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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