I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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