So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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