I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
