the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
someone owes me an orgasm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
