my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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