I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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