party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
