I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
