I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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