You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
