No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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