They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
being pregnant is like rehab
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
