people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
