you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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