mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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