Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
