Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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