Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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