i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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