I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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