He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
