My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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