i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
