Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
