It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
