You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
