Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
