I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
