I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize