you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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