Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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