My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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