I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
