We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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