ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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