I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
