is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
