He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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