my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
