The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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