Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
