At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
