I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
