I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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