is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
