There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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