So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
