This house was built for laser tag.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
