I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
