We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
it was like his penis was on wheels.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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