so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
