Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
