Where did you get a picture of my penis
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
