we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
