You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Best friends brother. Beat that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
