That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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