And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
