Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
