I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize