end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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