Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how drunk are you?
Several
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
