I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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