thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
