Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
