she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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