Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
