he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
